“I can’t leave this job. I have to stay in this job. This job is my financial source to support my family and pay my bills. I have no other choice in my life but accept that.” he said to his friends after complaining of how unhappy he was on his current job.
Have you ever heard someone else saying something similar?
Have you ever said that about any circumstance that you are frustrated with?
Sure yes. We are conditioned on our society to think in terms of obligation, fear, punishment and reward, and shame.
Let’s back to our example, and observe that brain-washing:
You cannot leave your job, because it is what society requires of you – obligation view. Might you will not find another job – fear view. If you haven’t had left your job, which you were stable in, you wouldn’t be unemployed – punishment and reward view. How your friends, family, and wife, will see you when you be unemployed? – Shame view.
However, this perspective doesn’t empower us as autonomous beings are we. We feel like we have no freedom to lead our life and, therefore, we do not take responsibility by our life direction. And it is not true. Regardless of the outcome of any event, we still can choose a life direction that meets ours needs.
Taking responsibility is aligning our needs with our actions upon the world and, above all, taking ownership for its outcome. It is the mindset that no external factor will be relevant on our choice, but us. It is a conscious state of acknowledging what are our needs, moving forward to this direction; and embracing whatever happens as the result of our decisions.
When we deny the importance of our role and its impact on our daily lives, we become victim of events and circumstances. We nourish the mindset that, there is someone, or something to blame for. We refuse our inherent personal power as individuals through life, and accept living a passive life.
Excuses are a red flag that we are not taking responsibility on our life. It prevents us to reach our full human potential. Most of people are not aware of how dangerous is it for our happinness. It is a common attitude, whether at a relationship, career, and life. On other hand, it is also common people unhappy on their relationship, career, and life. There is no coincidence about that. Excuses are linked to failure.
Might some people are wondering how they can recognize an excuse, and instead take responsibility for their choice. Let’s see:
First of all, replace “have to” with “I choose to”. You don’t have to stay in your work, you can choice to stay in. Can you see? There is a decision. Now, you must recognize what is your current priority. Is it financial security, or professional fulfilment? Be 100% honest about it. Your choice must meet that authentic need. So, if it is financial security, you can say: “I choose to stay in my job, because it meets my need of financial security right now.”
Human’s beings are full of potential, and life is full of possibilities. This is the perfect match to live an abundant, limitless, and extraordinary life. All is required is getting in touch with our authentic needs, and then take responsibility to lead our own life to meet that needs.
It seems simple, but it is life-changing.